The beer is more important than you right now.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
