just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
