He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
