you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
