Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The adults are the big ones right?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
