textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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