She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
