Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
