she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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