This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize