David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize