i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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