Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
