listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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