I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
