I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
