Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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