she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
