Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
