She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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