trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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