I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Congratulations! We have a period
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
