i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My boob is missing a layer of skin
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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