found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
