My liver just broke up with me...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
