Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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