We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
