i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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