He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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