Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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