i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I forget how to act sober
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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