first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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