I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Watching her eat just hurts me
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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