It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
