this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
