frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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