Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I supernannyed him into submission
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
