As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
