I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
