I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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