Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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