Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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