i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How does it feel to date your dad?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
