Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize