I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
