Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
