definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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