Barsexuality is the new black.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
