and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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