i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
