it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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