Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
