It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
