I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
