Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
