Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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