We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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