i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
