I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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