I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
