jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
