so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
