you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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