I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
