you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
