I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
