i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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