Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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