he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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