that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
